It looks as if details are slowly trickling out about the new RS6.

Both Top Gear and Fourtitude have released some UK-specific details about the new car.  I am somewhat chuffed that only 380 of these will be released in the first year, and that I'm among this small number of people who have more money than sense!

There are some web video previews of the car, but all in foreign and nothing really in-depth yet.

Will keep you posted - can you tell I'm behaving like a little excited boy at Xmas... :)

OK - so it's nearly 2am and well past my bed time, and I've run out of milk so can't make my "tuck-me-into-bed" hot chocolate drink...  What is a guy to do apart from to head on-line and randomly blog a trivial rant?

My loose train of thought at the moment is as follows (and bear with me and my cocoa-deprived thought processes)...

Microsoft is often seen as a terribly monolithic organisation, crushing small innovators and overcharging people and businesses for buggy software.

Rubbish, say I.  In my usual "facts out of the window", shit-stirring insanity, I posit the following:

You are all (and I suppose that includes me) a bunch of selfish, self-righteous, indignant greedy bastards.  Yes, you heard me.  If you got given a pile of money, you'd only squander it to enhance your ego and to buy silly penis extensions (see my blog on my new car).  If you're an average punter, all the cash you earn, and are likely to earn, is spent on making sure that you and your family (if you have one) are demonstrably better off than your neighbours.

Thank God that, in your desire to further your own egocentric lifestyle, you need computer software to facilitate your ability to create some sort of intangible product which you whore out for money.  Which is where Microsoft comes in.

You see, by charging vast amounts of money for software, Microsoft is essentially "stealing" from the rich.  Yes, you and your employer are rich.  Maybe not by your skewed inbred understanding of the term - but really, we're hardly starving or homeless or begging for bare resources like bread and water.

Microsoft, on the other hand, have been integral to Bill Gate's plan of providing to the poor.  By founding Microsoft and turning it into the rich-raping company that it is today, Bill Gates has been able to accumulate enough wealth to be (depending on Microsoft's share price at any one time) the richest man in the world.  This has allowed him and his wife to create the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation - the largest charitable organisation in the world, with the aim of furthering global development, global health and education.

Since its inception in 2000, the foundation has provided over $14.4 billion in grants already, and currently has a trust endowment of $37.6 billion.  In global health, it has donated to research in eradicating polio, AIDS/HIV, and malaria.  In global development, the foundation aims to assist projects which combat extreme poverty, and aid improvements in agriculture.  And in its homeland of the US, it contributes to education by providing learning resources and access to computers and the Internet, with a particular emphasis on helping ethnic minorities.

One could argue (as I'm doing) that all this has been made possible by Microsoft "overcharging" you for your software.  That's right - it takes an entity such as Microsoft to snatch money from us rich-types and to hand it over to those who are scarily poor (there are nearly 2.5 billion people on Earth who survive on less than $2 a day).

So yeah.  Stop bitching and moaning about Microsoft and their anti-competitiveness and overcharging and nonsense, you whining git.  Especially you Open Source hippie freeloaders at the back. Yeah - that's right.  Let's face it - if all you back-scratching rich coders created some idyllic model where all software was free - you'd be using the extra cash you've saved to stuff your fat face, wouldn't you?  You'd hardly be thinking "hey - I've saved hundreds of pounds on software costs this year - let's use the extra cash to fight malaria".  Nope - you'd be thinking "crap - I have money in my pocket and some credit left over in my credit card - time to buy this year's iSomething."  If you think that doesn't describe you, then you're blatantly lying.

So yeah - I'm bunking off to bed now.  But mark my words... Just as, at the time, Robin Hood was an outlaw who robbed the rich to provide for the poor; so Bill Gates and Microsoft will in the future be remembered as robbing the greedy rich Western capitalist pigs to provide for those in the world who still don't have any food, shelter or good health.

Right - I'm off to bed to dream about new cars and LCD TVs and video-games and shit...

(Blogged using Microsoft Windows Live Writer)

Huzzah!  I am on the precipice of kicking off the next killer app in the porn industry...

Although I was hoping to get my grubby mitts on this for Xmas, it looks as if my (belated) Xmas pressie from Microsoft has finally arrived.

Yep - it's the still very new and shiny Microsoft RoundTable device.  This makes my very happy - we're one of the first (if not the first) company in Aberdeen to have one of these, as these won't be publicly available for a little while longer...

Anyway - trumpet-blowing aside...  If I were to put my business hat on, I'd be saying that we're productising (a real word, would you believe) this for the oil and gas industry - a new, cost-effective method of videoconferencing.

If I put on my personal hat, I'd be saying that the applications for this device in the porn industry makes the mind boggle!  Imagine - offering dirty porn-consumers the ability to watch 360 degrees of debauchery!

The clever thing about this device is that, in addition to the panoramic view, it also has a close-up of the person who is making the loudest noises or most violent gestures.  So in this 360 degree orgy, I foresee my porn stars attempting to out-compete each other on noise/movement in order to get their sexual antics on the focus window.

Fantastic!

Microsoft have less ambitious (i.e. more acceptable) applications for this device, as illustrated by the spoof video below.  But really - we all know that the porn industry is the main driver of new technology...!

  
Video: UC Devil Wears Prada - Roundtable

(P.S. - For any Microsoft peeps who might be reading this - you know I'm kidding, right?  ;)  Of course we'll be sensible with it - commercial applications, oil and gas, saves travel costs and lowers carbon footprint, new generation of information delivery, yada-yada.  Please don't take away my shiny new toy...)

Well - if you have as much cash as a certain Mr Gates, that is...

I see that Jay-Z, Bono, Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Al Gore and others have made a cameo in this short Microsoft spoof video (created for CES 2008).

  
Video: Bill Gates Last Day CES Clip