One of the other facets of superstition that permeates Chinese culture in Hong Kong is the mystique around fortune-telling.  But alas!  Mother-dearest is among the many millions of folk who subscribe to this nonsense.  So - we've visited Wan Chai temple to pray for the general nonsense - wealth, health and happiness (none of your world peace, cure for cancer, or food-for-all nonsense here).

While I was in the main temple, I was made to shake a little wooden box full of individually numbered wooden sticks to ascertain my future.  Shaking two of the numbered sticks out, we had to wander around what can only be described as "Fortune Tellers' Alley", to find a suitable fortune teller to "interpret" my future.

Really - the alley was a long, circular street, with each tiny shop stall housing a crinkly looking fortune-monger.  As we passed each stall, their crinkly faces creased up even more, into some semblance of a smile, and each offered to divine our fortunes.  One marvels at how they manage to keep any business, given that maybe 50 to 60 of them were housed together in one street.

Anyway - we opted for the least pathetic-looking hawker, and promptly had our sticks "interpreted".  Usual nonsense - there will be good fortune and all associated trimmings for most of the family...  However - either I look like a right mug, or the fortune-teller could sense my cynical mutterings all through the process, because when it came to me, the "future was hazy".  No idea if that means I'm due to expire shortly, or if I'm going to be banished to a life of poverty and uncertainty, but the signs weren't good.

Well - thank my lucky stars, because the fortune-teller just happened to have a solution to this.  In an effort to combat the inevitable bad fortune that is sure to come my way, he just so happened to have a very specific charm that would negate the ill-winds, and bring, if not good fortune, at least an acceptable one.  Naturally, there's a fee involved - after all, thwarting ill fortune with a flimsy piece of paper with pre-printed text doesn't come cheap, you know...!  I think we (and by we, I mean my superstitious mother-dearest) must've paid around HKD 200-300 for this (around £14-£20).

So yes - to please mother, who herself marches on towards death with each passing day, I have to carry this piece of ill-fortune thwarting device with me for the next year.  Well - at least the guy's origami skills are up to scratch - I was semi-impressed by how the paper was folded into a neat little triangle.

Still - the ideal scam, really.  I wonder if I can apply to it my line of business.  Hmm...

"Yes - looking at the little electronic 1s and 0s of the InterWeb, I can see that your corporate network will surely crash and burn within the next financial year.  But wait - I happen to have a Support Contract good-luck charm printed on flimsy paper (although bound, rather than folded, as my origami skills are not so great).  Pay me silly amounts of money, and this flimsy piece of paper with pre-printed writing will surely bring, if not good fortune, then at least stability to your network for the next year."

Oh... Wait a moment...!  :)

Hong Kong, for such a high-tech city and one of the world's largest financial centres, is also surprisingly backwards in some ways...

Although the native folk here aren't really religious in general (except from the usual smattering of culprits who need deeper meaning in their lives - and thus associate with a religion), they are a very superstitious lot.

There's the nonsense that everybody knows about, of course - the burning of incense and "hell money" whilst kowtowing to ancestors and dead relatives.  Then there's the bizarre - see the exhibit below...

This is fairly common in most buildings in Hong Kong - the unlucky number 13 is not there, of course.  But also, as the number "4" is associated with death (they sound similar in spoken Chinese), you'll note there are no floors with the number 4 in this building.  Frankly bizarre - that some of the biggest global companies, who reside in the tallest buildings in Hong Kong, don't have 4th, 13th, 14th, 24th, 34th (etc) floors...!

Innocent enough parochial beliefs, eh?  Well...  next posting...

This originally started off as a single blog posting, written as I was waiting in a Government building to have my Hong Kong passport issued (although I have a HK Smart ID, I don't yet have a passport for international travel).  However, my original blog has turned into a mini-essay of a rant, so I've broken it up into multiple blogs instead for easier digestion...

Wow - it's been a whole two weeks since I've last updated, huh?

Hong Kong (and Tokyo) have been mad - I've still got plenty to say on the experience, but will do so over the course of the next week or so - many photos to tag and stitch, and many blog postings on random experiences and thoughts.

Just to give you an update - I've arrived back at the UK at the tail end of last week, and currently catching up on work-related nonsense as much as possible, before heading over to Houston this Friday for a week-long party with Microsoft (or - a technical and networking conference, if you must)...

Anyway - I'll try not to have another two-week gap before the next blog posting...!

... Not dead (much to the chagrin of some, I should think)...

... Just exhausted...

... Tokyo much fun...

... Leaving Japan tomorrow...

... Will blog about Tokyo when I get back to Hong Kong...

... Many photos, and many blog postings on Tokyo to come...

... Think I want to move to Japan (despite earthquakes)...!

The final picture for this evening.  Yes - I'm that immature.

And so I say... "Yeah, I've given her the Milky, and she loves it."

Yes - the Japanese are a clever bunch.

What happens when you combine Billiards with Bowling...?

Why, you get Billi-Bow, of course!

Actually - that's a complete lie (I think) - I just said that to controversially grab your attention.

But, the Japanese (and other East-Asian cultures), do tend to eat rather random dishes.  Ergo - the following life-enhancing egg (see photo of billboard).  It is cooked by being boiled in the volcanic waters of Owakudani - the sulphur in the spring water blackens the egg...

The sulphuric egg tastes like, well, an ordinary boiled egg.  Ah well...  If you believe the old-wives tales (which these superstitious, short, yellow people tend to), then my life-span has been increased by 7 years.  I wonder if I can return here every 6 years or so, thus extending my life to, well, perpetual immortality...?

Having ridden a cable car up the mountain, we then took a, er, pirate ship on the journey back...

Being the childish chap that I am, I caused a spectacle amongst the usually reserved Japanese natives by pulling the old "look at the girth of my penis" joke...

We also stopped by an authentic Korean restaurant for dinner tonight.  "Highlight" dishes included:

Raw cow liver:

Raw cod stomach:

Barbequed cow tongue:

Mmm...  :)

We travelled to an open-air museum/gallery today.  Pictures speak louder than words, so I've posted a handful of snaps to whet appetites, until I get round to uploading all the photos onto the Home Sever.

Yes - it appears that the Japanese use technology for anything and everything - as long as it makes life simpler.

I mentioned how user-friendly the transit system was yesterday.  Here's examples of screens showing you the layout of the station ahead (so you can make an efficient dash for the station exit), and also which side the doors open on...

Another cool thing I saw on the public transport system here are the (over-ground) trains.  All the seats are set up airline style - all facing the direction of travel.  When the train reaches the end of the line, however, and heads back the opposite direction - all the seats swivel around automatically, as shown on this video!

You can also manually swivel seats around yourself, should you need to face your fellow travelling companions...

(Oi - stop staring at my sister's boobs...)

OK - not really a stereotype so much as a feature of geography/geology, but I'm sure everyone has heard about the earthquake in Japan this morning (well, this morning in Japanese time).

Even though it was 200 miles away, we still felt it here in Tokyo - the aftershocks managed to dislodge and vibrate a few bits of furniture here...

I've heard the earthquake has caused massive damage to the immediate area of effect (it was a big one), but other than web reports, I haven't seen anything first-hand.

Although, in typical Japanese fashion, the efficient buggers wasted no time in apologising to transit system customers for the delay caused by this "inconvenience"...

OK - so I've been in Japan for less than 6 hours, and my bro has booked us a meal at a restaurant.

Err... what a restaurant!  The theme is High-Security Mental Prison Facility.  Yes, seriously.

After signing a waiver form (with a pen that electrocutes you - nice...), you are handcuffed by your waitress...

... and led to your cell (er, table)...

The food here is (mock-)controversial - actual caged (fried) chickens and, er, sausages sculpted as bisected penises.

The drinks were equally weird...

And yes - the waitresses were skimpily-dressed nurses.

While we were having our meal, it went a bit crazy.  Apparently, some mental patients escaped.  What you see below is a few of the photos I took when this occurred...  Random stuff that I recall in the insanity that ensued...

• People in masks running about like madmen, screaming in as high a pitch as possible
• Nurses and surgeons chasing after them with guns, firing at customers and mental patients indiscriminately
• A punter was caught in the cross-fire.  I can only guess that he is a regular, or part of the cast.  He was thrown onto the floor and shirt lifted up.  The surgeon proceeded to torture him by burning his navel and nipple with a lighter (seriously - I saw hair being singed!).  He was then beaten with some flip-flops, had his gonads pumped by the surgeon's fists (as you might perform CPR on someone, except, er, on the heart), and then had a giant syringe prodded up his backside...!
• One of the mental patients managed to break into our cell, and promptly flashed his underwear at my mother.  Worse still, he rubbed a warm hand-napkin on his crotch, and flung it at my mum.  I was, er, a bit miffed, to say the least!
• He then captured one of the nurses, and proceeded to give her a face-full of crotch.  Look at the last photo - you can just see the nurse's leg flailing from the psycho's jacket...  Not quite what I expected when I heading for dinner...

Finally - even the toilets were kinda freaky...

Welcome to Japan, I guess.  It's going to be insane here...  And I think I'm going to love it!

OK - so I took this photo at my bro's flat.  Apparently, this is the norm for homes in Japan!

I can tell you that:

1. I very much appreciate the fact that the toilet seat is warmed for you.  Strange at first, but very, very comfortable.
2. Being hosed up the anus is, er, disturbing.  Kinda like having someone piss into your bum - very warm and sprinkly...  (Not that I have practical experience in this area, I hasten to add...)  I think I may need to use it a few more times before I'm comfortable with this...  Ladies have their own custom nozzle, apparently...
3. Having the arse blown-dry, though, is a very nice sensation.
4. Despite it looking silly, having the sink at the top auto-activate as soon as you flush the toilet is very convenient.  It auto-stops as well, so just wash your hands, dry them, then walk out the room (and leave the built-in deodoriser to remove the unpleasant odour).

So, I'm sitting on the Narita Express train heading into central Tokyo. It appears that the Japanese folk really are as courteous and polite as stereotyped!

The trolley service has just come by, and I've bought a simple can of Coke. The waitress not only bowed her head at least a half-dozen times when serving the drink, but also took the effort to wipe the condensation off it before she handed it to me.

Small gestures like that please me greatly - why can't the uncouth in the UK be more like this?

Also - I found that each carriage in the train had two mini-maps showing the progress of the train. How cool is that?

When we switched onto the main city transit system, there were LCD screens scattered at each door which displayed a multitude of information (what the next station was, which side the doors would open, what the traffic on the other routes were like) - my favourite being what the journey times were to the forthcoming stops...

Finally - this amused me.  Apparently, it's painful enough being trapped in the doors when you're trying to wedge into a packed commuter train.  But it's even more painful to be glowered at by your fellow commuters for inconveniencing them!  Meh - if only I could shame people by merely frowning at them...!

Wow - two whole pop-culture references in the title - aren't I groovy/modern/down-with-the-kids?

Ever since we got back to Hong Kong, mother(-dearest) has been insistent that I should go and get a tailor-made suit.  Despite my insistence that I don't really wear formal clothes any more (the shirt, tie and trousers are only deployed at the occasional important meeting, and the suit only ever really gets worn when I participate in debating competitions), she was adamant that I needed new (formal) clothes.

In the end - it was easier to buy some clothes (which I do very rarely, as I'm not the "fashion" type - hey, I would strut around in my dressing gown if it were acceptable) to placate mother.

So - I pop into the tailor's that my aunt (a local resident of HK) recommended, and come across a tiny shop that had walls papered with photos of the tailor posing alongside various dignitaries (including much British royalty, famous Hollywood types, and even the Pope!  I'm back for fittings today, so will endeavour to take photos.)  Now - I always thought that tailor-made suits were dirt-cheap in Hong Kong - either that was from a bygone era, or I've walked into the most extravagant place here - because my wallet (well, AMEX) was several hundred pounds lighter after the experience.

But anyway - I digress...

The tailor himself was a very affable and amiable chap - very polite, courteous, and certainly knew what he was talking about.  However, he did manage to pop a very comfortable bubble I've been living in.

You see, I've always maintained that I have a 38" waist - large, but by no means unacceptable.  The occasional trousers I buy are all 38".  OK - I have to squeeze into them, but I'd say that it was an OK compromise.  I still weigh around 98kg.  OK - that's quite heavy.  But historically, I've scraped to around 110kg before, but managed to drop that to around 80kg after making an effort to go to the gym around 4 or 5 times every week.  However, after the issue with my head a few years back (doctors claimed possible haemorrhage, it took a frankly painful lumbar puncture and angiogram to determine it was a "benign exertional headache"), I dropped out of the routine and have been steadily gaining weight ever since.

But yes - 38" waist and 98kg - still acceptable in my mind, as I have weighed heavier (although I've not had a larger waist size to match).  Anyhoo - how demoralising was it to hear that, after being measured up, I have an actual waist size of 41.5"?!?

That - spills right into the clinically obese territory.  Bah.  It appears I will have to go back to eating sensibly, resurrecting my exercise routine, calling the personal trainers and dietician (all of whom I've been avoiding for months now), and maybe even dusting off the old mountain bike that has been sitting forlornly in the garage for the past year... :(

In the meantime, you are all free to point and shout "fatty-fatty-fat-fat", much like you bullies probably did back at Primary school to the diabetic kid on steroids, who couldn't help how he looked.  (I however, have no such excuses, apart from laziness.)

Well - I guess nothing is more official than being recognised by a country as being a Grand Poobah of Technology Evangelism, but the new business cards help reinforce the point...

The office have just e-mailed this scan through.  Alas - the cards arrived too late for me to take to Hong Kong, but they'll definitely be deployed at this year's Microsoft Worldwide Partner Conference!

So - I applied to have my Hong Kong Smart ID issued - my previous ID card is quite old, and didn't have the now-compulsory smart chip on it.  (For those who don't know, I have dual nationality, being both a citizen of the UK and HKSAR (the full title of Hong Kong is "Hong Kong Special Administrative Region", after it was handed back to China)).

Unlike the long-winded affair of recently renewing my British passport, renewing the HK ID card was far easier - fill in a one-sided application form, scan both thumb prints (yep - biometrics have been here since 2003), and have a digital photo taken by their automated system.  Come back in two weeks, and the new ID will be ready!  No cost, either...  Take that, UK Identity & Passport Service!

So anyway - I was asked for a job title on the form.  And yes, I put down "Grand Poobah of Technology Evangelism".  No eyebrows raised, and no questions asked (possibly because no-one understood what it meant).

So yes - I am legally recognised in one country as a Grand Poobah.  Take that, you naysayers... :)

Gah - too many choices!  Following my earlier phone dilemma, the situation has only worsened.

I heard about the new iPhone launches (which the entire world predicted was going to be announced at the WWDC today anyway) whilst on the rail transit system here in Hong Kong - the MTR Light Rail trains are armed with six plasma screens per carriage, and the audio is piped through the PA system when the train is on the move.  Anyway - I heard Jobs himself announce the phones, which I was always going to consider, as Apple have licensed Microsoft's Exchange ActiveSync - allowing me to sync with my corporate mailbox.

So - I now have four phones to consider:

The HTC Touch Diamond:

The HTC Touch Pro:

The Sony Ericsson Xperia X1:

Or the Apple iPhone 3G:

I "only" carry two phones with me...  So - do I make it a full three, or which two should I choose...?  To be honest, I may end up getting one Windows Mobile phone (likely to be the HTC Touch Pro out of the three mentioned above) and the iPhone.  Yes - people may accuse me of slowly defecting to Apple, but as long as they licence technology from Microsoft, I feel OK... ;)

<UPDATE: 10 JUN 08>

I forgot to mention - I have actually been playing with the HTC Touch Diamond today.  It appears to have just launched in Hong Kong, and quite a few mobile shops had the unit on display.  Interface was as I expected it (having seen the web videos).  However, a little concerned that the GUI seemed to be a bit slow - but that's perhaps due to the amount of heavy customisation on these phones (they had software installed which allowed the input and output of childish squiggly lines - called flatteringly by some as "Chinese writing").

Yes - despite the efforts of British Airways to cram its passengers into areas that caged battery hens would find uncomfortably restrictive, I have survived the 12 hour flight to Hong Kong, with full working use of all my limbs (no DVT for me)!

A bit knackered (or is that jetlagged?), but cogent enough to quickly summarise the most "exciting" bits of my journey thus far:

• Terminal 5 is indeed an impressive set of buildings.  OK, so some stuff doesn't yet work (like many departure signs in one of the three buildings), and some stuff is already broken (some sinks in the toilets have already fallen apart).  All in all, though, a fairly impressive building (see stitched photos below).
• Airplane food, was a bit better than I anticipated.  That is to say, it is of a standard slightly higher than prison slop.  In-flight entertainment was impressive, though - all Video on Demand now (I'll take a photo on the flight back) - and the content was impressive (from recent releases such as Cloverfield, to really rather rude episodes of Family Guy).
• Economy class.  Well, my parents booked this trip, as it's kinda a family outing - hence the seating level.  But by god, the so-called "cattle class" is just severely uncomfortable.  Seats that are a narrower width than my not-very-broad shoulders.  Non-existent legroom that gets even further encroached upon by the jerk in front folding down his seat (as he's perfectly entitled to) - I think I somehow ended up with negative legroom, if that exists.  I'm going to have to look into upgrading to Club class, at least, for the home trip...!  Seriously - any amount of money is worth throwing away to ensure that I don't end up a cripple on the painful 12 hour journey back...
• Chinese food.  Yes, I appreciate that I am of Oriental persuasion.  But it takes some re-adjustment when the first proper meal we have in HK requires us to wash out our own dishes (seriously - they are only semi-cleaned, and require the punters to rinse out properly in boiling Jasmine tea - dishwashing as modelled by my very own birth-giver).  I am also reminded at how blatantly carnivorous we are, and how proudly we display this.  Look at the last photo.  See the jellyfish (eww...).  See the pig's face, ripped apart like some sort of scary carnival mask (yes - that's actually available to eat - urgh...!).  I guess that's what I get for agreeing to eat at a local outdoors restaurant...

Well - this is my last blog posting before I leave the UK for the rest of this month...  I'll try and keep you posted if anything interesting happens while I'm in Hong Kong and Tokyo...

Just one final thing...

This was me preparing to pack for the trip abroad.  I have an empty suitcase, a pen, Post-It notes, a set of electronic scales (which needed to be cleaned after usual bathroom duties, hence Dettol wipes and toilet tissue).

You see, being the stunning intellectual that I am, I decided to weigh everything as it was packed, to ensure I didn't go over my (admittedly generous) baggage allowance.  Thus, I can tell you these interesting nuggets:

• The heaviest item is, in fact, the suitcase itself, at 4.8kg
• The next heaviest items are, embarrassingly, my two toiletry bags (at 3.3kg in total)
• My 14 boxers weigh 1.5kg, which is almost the same as three issues of Edge magazine (1.6kg)

My sister accuses me of being a through-and-through geek.  I just like to think of myself as being far more organised than everyone else...