… Is a phrase I might not need to shout for much longer!

Microsoft fan-boy that I am, I’m bound to have one of these new-fangled Microsoft Surface units that I blogged about earlier.  It’s more than likely to be next to my bed, so that I can stream my collection of donkey porn from my Windows Home Server straight to my bedside, allowing me to get my rocks off all over an easy-wipe Surface.

All that, er, exercise sure gets tiring though.  So I’d probably have a glass of hot milk on a corner of the Surface.  Knock a bit of donkey action, have a glug of hot milk, knock a bit more donkey action, then another sip of hot milk – you know how it goes.  Before you realise it – you’re out of hot milk, and your flow is interrupted (so to speak).

No longer!  For, with SurfaceWare’s research, my Surface unit could easily notify mother-dearest to bring around another glass of hot milk just as it’s required!  Donkey appreciation continues uninterrupted!  Huzzah for technology, for (this) man’s life is truly enhanced!

Unimaginatively, one may posit (as the video above does) that this is excellent technology to be used in a pub or restaurant.  This might work in the US (the land of the fawning staff - even if it is somewhat fake courtesy), as at least they attempt to be polite and continually see if they can pawn more food and drink in your general direction.

However, in the “I don’t give a shit” culture of the UK, it’s bad enough trying to get served while you’re actively queuing at the bar, and almost impossible to attract a waiter’s attention when you’re sitting in a restaurant.  The fantasy of having UK waiting staff come and refill your drinks when a computer indicates is, well, a fantasy – our indifference to customer service will ensure that something like SurfaceWare Refill will never gain traction here, outside of the bedroom.

Well – it’s been a bit of a long-winded few days…  But at last, it all culminates into this – why I behave the way that I do…

Regardless of whether people agree or disagree with me (hey, it’s your prerogative and your right to do so!), I’d like to sum up first by stating, in a most clichéd manner, that I am who I am.

Without sounding too mock-philosophical, I find that people are very complex beings and yet, are extremely simple at their core.

What drives me in life, and I assume what drives everyone in life, is the need to have fun.  Stripping away all the mechanisms to achieve this, like money and responsibility and family, everyone is driven by the need to have fun.

The complexity lies in what fun actually is, and how we get there.  For some people – it’s having a family, and being able to spend time with them.  For others, it’s about earning money and using it to buy items or holidays that are out of reach for the mere masses.  For others still, it is about celebrity and adulation – the need to be recognised and respected.

Everyone has a very unique combination of what is fun, and what mechanisms they use to get there.  What I find… interesting, though, is how people try and keep their little parcels of fun segregated…  The majority of people I know have four general personas – their personal life (of which they will hardly ever share with anyone, not even those closest to them), their family life, their social life and their professional life.  There is always overlap, of course, but I don’t think I’d be generally remiss to state that people may do or say one thing in one life, yet not at all in another.  As an example that may resonate with a lot of folk: what they say about their workplace to their friends in their social life is very different to what they say to their workmates and managers when face-to-face with them in their professional life.

I guess it must be a form of self-preservation – by limiting the damage and cross-over from one life to the other, people probably feel safer and more secure in any particular circle, and thus can continue to maximise their facility for fun.  After all, if some of your fun is derived from buying needless tangible toys or spending time with your children, then surely telling your crappy boss what you really think of him/her (i.e. what you’d have no problems telling your mates at the pub) is hardly likely to enhance your ability to buy even more needless tat or your ability to feed your kids, is it?

I’m… a bit different.  I’d like to think of myself as being slightly less risk-adverse (or just plain stupider) than most folk.  Y’see, I treat my Professional, Family, and Social lives as one and the same.  There is nothing I would not do nor say in front of, say, my parents that I wouldn’t do in front of friends, staff or clients.

Naturally (and like everyone else), I still have certain Personal thoughts that I’ll keep to myself – that is, unless they find the bodies and I’m forced to share the info otherwise…  But aside from that, I personally don’t see the point of segregating the various aspects of your personality.

This, naturally, irks a lot of people – I’m quite vocal with my thoughts, and I also let slip many, many MindWrongs that undoubtedly abrades a lot of folk.

Due to this openness, I’m sure that many people view me (possibly quite rightly) as arrogant, stubborn and petulant.  I am, in equal measures, terribly immature and inappropriate.  I accept that this can cause, and has caused, damage and offence – how could it not?  That’s why most people keep these aspects of their lives segregated.

For me, though, it is a worthwhile trade-off in my continued efforts, like everyone else, to have fun.  The blurring, nay – actual removal, of these boundaries are what allow me to enjoy my professional life as much as my social life (and my family life, whatever that may constitute).  It is why the drive to spend time in the office is equal to the drive to spend time with friends or vegging out at home – to me, it’s all very much one and the same, and I have no preference for one over the other.

This makes my life not only tolerable, but very enjoyable.  I enjoy the work that I do (OK – I’d enjoy it a bit more if there weren’t so many different piles of paperwork to shuffle, but you get the idea).  I enjoy playing with Hyper-V technologies as much as I enjoy playing Halo 3, which is about as much as I enjoy getting outrageously drunk and doing silly things.

However, there is a very delicate balance between these three lives, and one made particularly difficult when you decide to mix them all together.  The commitment and responsibilities you have in one life (say, your professional life), should not have a detrimental impact on another (say, your family life).  With established boundaries and compartmentalisation, this should be fairly easy to juggle – in your professional life, you spend 9-5, M-F doing work (with occasional overtime) and then you go home, switch off, and enjoy family/social life.

When you mix and match all three, as I have chosen to do, you must be very careful not to do one thing at the detriment of another.  It’s all fine to get pissed and run riot every evening at a training course, but an altogether bad thing if it’s done to the detriment of anyone else on your course, or at the expense of your boss (who still has to foot the bill if you fail).  Again – if you’re planning to get pissed over the weekday, you had better be sure this isn’t to the detriment of your work or clients.

I put my hands up, and say that I have occasionally got this wrong.  And I will continue to get it wrong – no-one can claim to be perfect, can they?  However, as long as you work hard to keep things in balance, and get it right most of the time, well – surely that works, right?

If it hasn’t worked, or if I haven’t got it right, then let me know!  I’m quite open, frank and arrogant.  Therefore, I’m quite happy for others to be arrogantly open and frank to me.  Give me a kick in the nadgers if I’m getting it wrong – otherwise I’ll be living my fun life/lives in blissful ignorance!

Going back to where I started – I want to say again that I am who I am.  It’s not an apology, nor is it an excuse.  It’s simply a statement of what path I have chosen, and how openly I have chosen to lead my life.  For me, there is no distinction between family and friends and work.  There is nothing that I would do, or say, or jibe about, in one group that I would not do in another.  I accept that it will irk some folk.  I accept that it will confuse/bemuse others.  As long as it does not cause considerable offence, and does not impact on my ability to deliver to folk in any of these three lives, then I’m going to continue happily living my fun life the way I currently am.

I sometimes wish that people were as comfortably open as myself, but I understand very much why they may choose not to do so (and I also understand why others view me as simply insane).  It’s personally vindicating, though, to see that Orange’s new message is very much similar to my own – just aspire to be comfortable with who you are, regardless of who you’re presenting yourself to.

I’m happy with who I am, and I feel no need to hide bits of my personality because it might be deemed “immature” or “inappropriate”.  That’s it in a nutshell, really.

[You probably should have scrolled through the entire text to read that last paragraph – it’d have negated the need to read the rest of my diatribe.]

Following on from yesterday’s missive, I guess the next biggest thing which gets me funny glances is the level of sheer inappropriateness that I often blurt out…

After all, I’m guessing that not many people would intimate on their publically-viewable blogs that they get fellated by their own mother (or is it that I fellate my mum – I can’t tell, such is the level of my inexperience).

Yes – I’m a terribly inappropriate person.  No subject matter is too taboo – religion, infertility, stillborns, recent deaths, sexual acts with family members – there is nothing that I won’t stoop to.

So… Why?  Why?!?

Well (and you’ll note the common theme from yesterday’s post), it’s all about having fun.  Really.

There are too many folk these days taking life too seriously.  The Politically-Correct Brigade are rapidly turning this country into some terrible 1984-esque Orwellian “tolerance-zone”, where nobody is allowed to mutter, well, just about anything lest it offend people (coming up to the festive season, we’re all more than aware that many schools and businesses ban the word “Christmas”, lest it offend people of other religions).

People become, well… boring, when they aren’t trying to push boundaries.  I really believe that pushing boundaries of acceptability is what makes part of life fun.  We all did it, once – remember as a kid when you used the “f*ck” word?  You knew perfectly well that your parents and teachers would frown upon (or even discipline) you for being such a naughty child.  And then, you got to university (or secondary-school, for the early starts), where you’d mumble the offence-causing “c*nt” word, much to your shameful glee.

Since when did people feel the need to grow up and to stop all of this inquisitive pushing?  F*ck and C*nt are pretty much used in everyday language now – indeed, there’s probably not a live comedy act where these words aren’t uttered.  So, I dunno about anyone else, but I still feel the need to push, and push, and push.  And that’s where my socially unacceptable utterances come from.  I know it’s wrong to talk about stillborn to pregnant women, to make lewd sexual suggestions to my own sister – the fact that it’s wrong is what continues to give me the shameful glee and fun that I used to derive as a kid!

OK – there have been occasions where it goes wrong.  Certainly, I have managed to cause major offence.  And really, I’m genuinely apologetic when this happens.  But, I’m not going to stop.  Most of the time, it doesn’t cause offence, and you’d be surprised by how much one can get away with!  Hey – so far I haven’t yet been punched in the face for any of my slanderous utterings, but I may change my tune one day when it (eventually, and probably deservedly) happens!

It is, for me, allowing my inner child to continue to rebel – in my mind it’s the adult equivalent of using the F and C words, which have long since lost their impact.

It makes life, well, interesting and fun.

There are so many people out there who take life far too seriously, who worry about everything they do and say, and worry about everything that happens – regardless of whether it is in their control or not.  People bottle themselves up for fear of offending – they become bland, boring, characterless sheep.  It’s so very disappointing to see people reign themselves in – typically, it’s only when they’re very drunk does the immature, boundless part of their personality come forth.

Shame, really… :(

For the record, I do appreciate that there’s a very delicate line to be drawn (which I cheat and try to push back as much as I can).  Crossing this line causes great offence, and I’ve been there before.  Genuinely, I never mean to cause any real offence – just enough to cause great consternation and disdain, but never any genuine emotional upset.  So yes - (and this is really the only time you’ll hear this from me), I do apologise to anyone out there who may have been genuinely offended by what I randomly come out with.

But otherwise, I’ll continue down my path of being completely incorrigible.  All through my school days, I was (like everyone else) told to grow up.  I’m still constantly being told to grow up.  This, to me, is a great vindication, and a sure sign that I’ve yet to lose my perspective of fun!

OK.  So – if I were to do a bit of self-introspection, I guess that one of the first things I would ask is:

“Why on earth do you behave so immaturely?  What’s with acting like a juvenile 5-year-old?”

An easy answer, this.  Because it’s fun.  I’ll get into a lot more detail about the mixing of “fun” in my life on my third posting, but just take it as read – I derive great fun from being immature.

I think that, for most people, there is a time and a place to have fun.  Fun is something you do socially with friends, or with the family.  Fun is generally not something you do at work, although we all appreciate that there are a blessed few whose work environment positively fosters fun.

Wait… right there.  You agreed with the first part of that paragraph, yeah?  Cool.  You agreed with the last part of that paragraph?  Well, shame on you.

In my opinion, you are not “blessed” with a work environment that positively fosters fun.  No-one is.  What these environments have is people who are willing to make it fun.  It is very much an obvious and clichéd statement, but life is what you make it.  Therefore, make your work more fun.

For me, fun is being juvenile, it’s about doing childish pranks and committing to acts of stupidity.  As long as it doesn’t impact on people, work, or clients, then what’s the harm?

An example: after I dropped out of university, I got a part-time job with Total (Total Oil Marine, as it was back then).  It was a short contract summer job for first-line technical support (well, what else could you get as a university drop-out who had no real qualifications).  It was also around the time that Intel launched it’s then-new Itanium processor.  This was a big-deal for me – not because I would ever use it, or the company I was currently working in would ever buy one (at the time) – no, it was because it was a fantastic new product from Intel, and I strongly believed that I needed to raise awareness of it within the company.  So – what did I do?  Well, I downloaded a high-res image from Intel’s press site, and printed it in A1-size paper (yes, I abused company resources).  I then wore it as a cape, and spent one day wandering around the Total offices in Altens with my Itanium cape, telling those who I was meeting/supporting what the Intel Itanium was about, and why they should be excited.  I even remember skipping (yes – actual run/skip motions) down the off-limits Executive Corridor with my Itanium cape.  Weirdly enough, I didn’t get fired.  If I did, it would have been no great loss – who wants to work in a humourless company, after all (it wasn’t as if I was causing anyone any harm or offence)?  Instead, at the end of my contract period, I got asked if I would like to extend it, and to take a new position coordinating technical support for their Office 2000 rollout.  That’s right – Itanium Man got a promotion and, as a university drop-out, was responsible for managing a small support team which comprised of contractors who were nearly twice my age.  Needless to say, I accepted!

Having fun in work is risky – it always is…  You will find a few who will join you but, by and large, you just need to make sure that people can tolerate you.  As long as you make acceptable compromises, and ensure you don’t negatively impact work or clients, then all works out well.

A few months back, I had to spend weeks pushing for my new job title.  After all, Grand Poobah of Technology Evangelism is hardly a serious job title, is it?  I’ve been told by those in the office that the oil industry is one which is entirely humourless, and one which will not accept my irreverent job title.  Pah, said I.  After much back and forth, I now have two sets of business cards.  I can indeed call myself a Grand Poobah, but I also have a staid set of “serious” cards (which, funnily enough, I’ve yet to actually hand out to anyone).  But at least I’ve made the compromise, and can continue to have fun as it suits.

I don’t much like pointless rules, or conformity for conformity’s sake.  I don’t respect job titles, or job positions.  That’s not to say I don’t respect the people – it’s just that one can only tolerate so many “Technical Architects” or “Marketing Managers” or “Customer Satisfaction Providers”.  And thus, as my two-fingers up to the pointlessness of job titles (it’s the person and the work they produce that count, not the bloody title they’ve been given), I have called myself the Grand Poobah of Technology Evangelism, the most meaningless and self-important job title that I could muster at the time.

I digress somewhat.  What am I trying to say?  Well, just have fun!  If you’re not enjoying work, then find an avenue to make it fun.  If your social life is somewhat lacking – well, get your phone book out and make plans!  For instance, I’ve booked a two-day holiday on the 4th/5th November (school days, so to speak) to have a drinking competition around the US Presidential elections.  I’ll be working weekends and evenings to compensate, but the point is that I/we plotted to have fun, and have made a few compromises to ensure that it happens.

Oh – and try not to offend people.  OK, so I try to be as offensive as possible, but not to the point where someone is genuinely offended.  You’d be surprised at how much offence you can give, even about the most unspoken and unsavoury subjects, without actually causing offence (but more on that tomorrow).

People may believe that there is a time and a place for fun, and that you can’t have fun all the time.  I have a different outlook – I think that one should derive fun from anything that one can.  Personally speaking, work would be pointless if I wasn’t enjoying it and having a laugh.  It’s the reason I do random things like combine Tartare Sauce with HobNobs.  It’s why I have Pokémon scattered around my desk.  Just… make sure it doesn’t impact your work or your responsibilities.

My immaturity and juvenility allow me to enjoy my work.  It also allows me to more enjoy my personal and family life – it still cracks me up to see the utter disdain/bemusement on my sister’s face when I mutter something completely inappropriate and lewd to her (more on Stan the Inappropriate tomorrow).

So there it is.  Selfishly, I could say that this is my life, and I have the right to lead it as I choose.  And certainly, I will state that.  My goal is to have fun and, for me, it’s all about being childish and immature.

I’ll add a caveat, however, and say that it’s not my intent for my behaviour to cause any detriment to anyone else’s life (whether it be deliverables at work, relationships with clients, or friendships with, well, friends) – if you have been affected then really, you should let me know, otherwise I’ll continue onwards as always!

Hurrah for Stan the Immature.  Right – I’m off to listen to the soundtrack to Pokémon 3 (the album has an excellent remix of the Pokémon Johto theme tune) on the drive back home, before snuggling into bed with Teddy, Teddy2, and Dizzy Devil).

I think that lately, people have been wondering if I am going (even more) insane.

I’ve certainly had comment from friends, clients, and work-mates about some of the stuff that I have recently done, said or blogged.  I thought I might take a step back, then, and spend the next three blog posts trying to communicate to everyone why I behave the way that I do.

Today, I’ll account for “Stan the Immature”.  Tomorrow, it’ll be “Stan the Inappropriate”, and I’ll close with “Stan the Individual”, which really wraps everything up.  The combination of all three should, hopefully, provide you with an insight to my personal outlook on life.

I don’t think of myself as a complicated person, so this should all be fairly straightforward…!

I often hear the question “Stan – you’re stunningly brilliant in every way.  I aspire to be you.  What tiny steps can I take to become a fraction of what you are?!?”  (OK – I may only hear this in my head, but that’s just semantic details.)

Well – firstly, I would encourage you to emulate, or better, my (mainly) Microsoft-powered Home Cinema setup.

Mostly upgraded at the beginning of the year, it’s taken me this long to give all the various components a mention (and also to encourage you to spend money with Microsoft by purchasing pointless, materialistic tangibles you don’t actually need).

(You may wish to click the image for a full-blown, high-res description).  Going through the essential stuff you need:

HD TV: Get yourself an HD TV capable of the full 1080p – none of this horsing around with wannabe HD (i.e. 720i, 720p, 1080i).  You’re a loser if you get anything less, and I will mock you (more so than usual).  The fine example you see before you is the Sony BRAVIA KDL-46X3500.  If you’re going for a Sony – get nothing less than an X-series.

Windows Media Center: Sure, you can access your media on much inferior machines, but what’s the point of having eyes, eh?  Demand to access your photos, music and videos on nothing less than a box capable of running Windows Media Center (part of Windows Vista).  This particular example is a Sony VAIO VGX-TP2.  It has a built-in digital Freeview tuner and Blu-Ray Disc player.  This diminutively squat cylinder can record a fair chunk of my TV shows, and sync them to either my Zune or Tablet PC for viewing.  Blu-ray is also cool – anything but HD makes my eyes weep blood these days…

XBOX 360: Any model is fine, but the sexy-looking black Elite model is best.  The XBOX 360 is pretty much like magic/voodoo/witchcraft – it creates fantasy-worlds for you where you can run about shooting annoying people, saving you the hassle of having to do it in real life (which is wayyy more tiring).

Network Switch: Although you could do everything over wireless, it’s far to slow.  Get a gigabit switch.  The example here is an HP ProCurve 1800-8G Switch.  Why gigabit?  It allows you to transfer music and video in super-speedy time, and also allows far faster backups of my two “fun” PCs.  More about that in a sec…

Windows Home Server: What goes in the workplace, should go in the home too.  You have running water in the office, right?  Then you’ll need running water at home.  Work has electricity, yeah?  Then your home needs one too.  Finally – your office has a server, right?  Then you’ll need a Windows Home Server too, unless you’re a hobo and don’t actually have a home.  This model is an HP MediaSmart Server, with 1 terabyte of storage.  What’s the space for you ask?  Well, I’ve spent the last five years on the Internet collecting donkey-porn, and need to make sure that it’s all safe and backed up.  Nothing worse than having a hard disk failure on my Tablet PC and losing all that hot equidae action.  So – amongst publishing all the RandomStan photos online, the Windows Home Server also backs up everything from my Windows Media Center and my Tablet PC, just in case a hard drive decides to play silly bugger.

Sky HD: Sky.  In HD.  Simple, really.  Alas, it is broadcast in inferior, wannabe HD (720p or 1080i).  Still semi-HD, then, so it does tend to make the eyes water (but not bleed).

DVD & HDD Recorder: Like myself, you probably have a lot of old-hat DVDs kicking around.  You obviously don’t want to sully your Blu-Ray Disc player with eternal shame by stuffing a DVD into its slot, so you elect to keep a separate DVD player instead.  You also think that recording is clever, and you may want an HDD to do that.  My particular model is like.no.other. (Actually – that’s a clever Sony marketing slogan lie.  It’s actually like all the other hundreds of thousands that run off Sony’s production line.)

Nintendo 64: If you haven’t got one, then you’re not a real gamer.  It is host to Super Mario 64.  Enough said.

Nintendo Wii: If you haven’t got one, then you’re not a real gamer.  It is host to Super Mario Galaxy.  Enough said.

VCR: Strictly, you don’t need one.  I certainly don’t.  But – it helpfully fills an otherwise empty space.

Nintendo GameCube: If you haven’t got one, then you’re not a real gamer.  It was host to Super Mario Sunshine.  Actually, when compared to Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Galaxy, it was a bit pants (but still a good game in its own right).  OK – I concede on that one – despite not owning a GameCube, you may still be eligible as a real gamer.

AV Amp: I have an old example, so you should have no problems bettering me!  Hah – I specified and bought this model while I was still in secondary school!  If I stopped driving for a week and saved the petrol money, I would buy a proper AV amp capable of decoding Dolby TrueHD and DTS-HD.

That’s about it, really.  Oh – don’t skimp on the furniture either – the example in the photo is a Quadraspire QAV stand (custom-specified and assembled).  Quadraspire make great units – even Jesus (before his days as “Son of God”, when he was still but a humble carpenter) couldn’t fashion better units.

Well?  Toddle off, and strive to become more like me.  Send me photos and details of your handiwork!

I didn’t realise that Microsoft had revamped the Xbox.com site!

It’s got a very nice fuzzy-soft consumer feel to it.

Lately, Microsoft have been trying very hard to partially rebrand themselves as a nicer, fuzzy-soft sort of company (rather than the Evil Empire image it has garnered of recent times).

OK – I personally thought the Seinfeld adverts were somewhat confusing.  But I’m happy with the stance that they raised awareness of Microsoft and Windows (the brand), rather than try to actively sell Windows Vista or whatever.  See for yourself:

• Gates & Seinfeld: Shoe Circus
• Gates & Seinfeld: New Family (part 1)
• Gates & Seinfeld: New Family (part 2)

What I do like (and very much so) is Microsoft’s (admittedly late) response to Apple’s “Get a Mac” adverts.  Apple have taken great delight in smugly portraying the PC as somehow inferior to the Mac.

The first part of Microsoft’s two-pronged response is the I’m a PC campaign:

Yes – each of those images is a photo or video of someone who is proud to be a PC.  There’s also a TV campaign airing at the moment:

• I’m a PC: Stereotype
• I’m a PC: Not Alone
• I’m a PC: Pride

What’s also cool is that Microsoft have taken two massive electronic billboards at Times Square to feature photos of everyone who is a PC (photos submitted through their I’m a PC site).

The second prong to the campaign to portray Microsoft as a fuzzy-soft huggable company is the Windows vs Walls campaign.

For you anti-Microsoft folk, you may not have realised that the Windows brand has broadened dramatically.  Windows is no longer just an Operating System for the PC.  It is your mobile, and it is the cloud (through Windows Live).  I don’t think there is any other single company out there that offers the richness of the “Windows Experience”.  PC, Media Center, Home Server, mobile, Windows Live – they are all interconnected.  Apparently pictures speak a thousand words (which is probably true for the illiterate degenerates that schools produce these days – children are lucky to string two words together, never mind a thousand of them).  So look at the campaign pictures here…

Watch this: http://uk.youtube.com/experiencewii

I have to admit, this is a very clever bit of marketing… :)

Ahh… It’s great when Branding and Reality don’t get along with each other.

Furthering the news that the next version of Windows was called “Windows 7”, I see some further clarification has appeared.

Yes, the PRODUCT will be Windows 7.

However, the version number of the product itself will be… wait for it… Windows 6.1.

I see the logic, sort of, but it will surely confuse everyone else.  Following the convention that Win 98, Win98 SE and WinME are point-version upgrades of Windows 95 makes sense (as the architectural code base was the same).  Likewise for the relationship between Windows 2000 (v5.0) and Windows XP (v5.1).

Vista was indeed a generational change from XP, so can really be classed as v6.0.  And as Windows 7 is a point-version upgrade of Windows Vista it does, in a perverse sense, logically follow that the version is 6.1.

Indeed – I had sent an e-mail to a client earlier today stating:

“As a last thought – I should emphasise that Windows 7 will be an update of Windows Vista and not a whole OS re-write.  Microsoft generally follow a “tick-tock” plan, where a major re-engineering only comes about every second iteration of a product.  It has been made very clear by Microsoft that Windows 7 builds upon Windows Vista, rather than being a re-write.  As such – many of the design decisions for Windows Vista will remain (albeit tweaked or enhanced) for Windows 7.”

So – it does all make sense, in a logical fashion.  However, I can see the avalanche of confusion rolling in.  Not to mention uncertainty for the future – will Windows v7 (probably due 2013-2015) be called Windows 8?  Or Windows VII (pronounced “Vee”) to help reset the numbering scheme?

If you haven’t already heard, then the next version of Windows (the seventh major generation) will be called…

Windows 7

Yes.  That is all.  If you’re excited about stuff like the EULA, it will shortly appear here:

http://www.microsoft.com/windows/windows-7/eula.aspx

If you’re looking for the official announcement, details are here: http://windowsvistablog.com/blogs/windowsvista/archive/2008/10/13/introducing-windows-7.aspx

Personally, I like it.  I never really agreed with using years to name products (as the year-names were based on which part of Microsoft’s financial year a product was released) and thus you had scenarios where products were “from the future” (as an example, Office 2007 was actually released to businesses back in calendar year 2006) or other scenarios where products seemed years out of date (again, using Office, we were at the 2003 version until late 2006!).

“Fluffy” names were not much better – I still get asked now what XP stands for (technically it didn’t stand for anything, but was used to emphasise the eXPerience of the new OS), and people still don’t quite know how to pronounce Vista (is it Vee-sta or V-is-ta? – the Microsoft teams that I worked with prior to the launch of the product generally called it by the latter).

So anyway – here’s to Windows 7.  If you really need the year as a hint to when it will be released, I will give you the official line.

“To this end, our plan is to deliver Windows 7 approximately 3 years after the January 2007 general availability launch date of Windows Vista.”

This has been the official line for some time now, and speculation that it may be (generally) released in early-to-mid 2009 is just that – speculation.

Cool!

What is Live Mesh?  Well, my flippant answer would be to tell you to go to the Live Mesh web site to find out for yourself.

Thankfully, I am (just like the rarely-seen-but-much-spoken-about God) quite a bit more magnanimous than that, and thought I’d take a moment to hark on about the virtues of Live Mesh.

In simple terms (so simple, in fact, that I’m probably doing Live Mesh a disservice – but more on that later), Live Mesh is an area in The Cloud where you upload files for storage and synchronisation.

Following on from that thought, the concept of The Mesh is that it is a combination of your storage on The Cloud (called in Live Mesh terms your “Live Desktop”) and all the computers and mobile devices (i.e. phones) that you have access to.

Live Mesh serves a few purposes:

1. To synchronise content from any one PC you use to your Live Desktop.  Content on your Live Desktop can be accessed from any computer or mobile device – all you need is a web browser (OS semantics later).
2. To synchronise content from your Live Desktop to any other device that you may have in your Mesh.
3. To access any of your Mesh devices remotely (in terms of starting a remote console to that device)

Live Mesh deals with synchronising your files automatically.  All you need to do is install the Live Mesh client on your device.  Currently, only Windows Vista, Windows XP and Windows Mobile devices are supported but, as you see in the screenshot below, Macs and other devices will soon be supported.  Check out my personal Mesh below:

Now – with the Live Mesh client installed, I can view what files have been updated/synchronised, which PCs are available, and what folders are currently active (and who is working on them).

The Live Mesh client automatically deals with all the data sync – and this happens in the background (and pretty much immediately).

Let me illustrate this by example…  I am an avid user of Microsoft OneNote (that’s a blog in itself for another day) and rely on it day-in, day-out to perform my work.  I work on OneNote over multiple PCs – each in different domains (WellDataTech.com, Burbank.co.uk and RandomStan.com) – so sharing the same set of notes is not the easiest thing.  However, marking the OneNote folder on my main Tablet PC as a Live Mesh folder causes the content to be synchronised to my Live Desktop.

As you mark folders for Live Mesh, they turn a distinct blue:

And when you open that folder (on your local machine), it opens up a Live Mesh sub-pane which shows the status of that folder (how many people can access it, which files have been updated recently, etc):

The contents of this folder is sent up to my Live Desktop on The Cloud, which I can then access from anywhere through a web browser:

One of the cool things is that any folder that sits on your Live Desktop can be synchronised to any other device that you own.  You simply tell it where that folder should sit on your nominated device:

Live Mesh will then create a folder in this location, and will sync files from your Live Desktop down to the new device.  Another cool thing is that Live Mesh will now keep the contents between your Mesh devices and the Live Desktop synchronised.

So – if I make a change to my OneNote notes on my main Tablet PC, then Live Mesh will automatically update my Live Desktop and any other devices that I have nominated.  Likewise, if I make a change in OneNote on, say, my Media Center PC at home (WMC), then Live Mesh will handle the update and ensure my main Tablet PC contains the latest working copy of my notes.

The other cool thing is that you can invite people to any of your Live Mesh folders:

These invitees will also be able to access your shared data, and will also be able to receive/contribute updates.  So, for instance, if I am working on a set of files that I need shared to someone out-with my company (i.e. someone not on the WellDataTech.com domain), then the easiest thing to do would be to create a Live Mesh folder to share.  They would receive an invite to my folder, and also the option to replicate the folder anywhere on their local PC.  As I update any file in this folder, the changes will trickle through to their copy, and vice-versa.  Thus, Live Mesh becomes a very powerful tool for sharing files in near real-time (there is a small delay in synchronisation – dependent on bandwidth available for both the uploads and downloads).

That’s pretty much a quick overview of Live Mesh.  Microsoft have some more information here.

I also said, earlier, that this was going to be a very simple overview, and that I’d probably be doing Live Mesh a disservice.  The reason for that is because Live Mesh is very much a platform for developers, and not a mere “clever-sync” service.  Live Mesh has an SDK that allows you to create some fairly clever applications that really demonstrate the Software+Services model that Microsoft are pushing at the moment.

If you’re a developer, and you want to see what Live Mesh can do as a platform, then register your interest here…

Surely, in the most logical sense ever, a combination of two good things equals a good thing?

Logic, alas, appears to have escaped my work mates in the office.

For today, I posited that combining two good things – Tartare Sauce and HobNobs, would surely create a fantastic taste sensation.

I was somewhat disappointed that they looked at me in utter dismay as I demonstrated how easy it was to create new culinary delights…

Happily, I can confirm for definite that the combination of two good things does indeed equal another good(er) thing.

The fact that the naysayers in my office are of the opinion that I am completely insane is just either proof of their inability to “think outside the box”, or a sign of their jealousy as they realise how unadventurous their own palates have become.

It looks like you need to be more than just mildly drunk to get a moment of clarity – perhaps a combination of alcohol and drugs or something.  My much-needed epiphany still eludes me at this stage…

Still – we’ve had a productive day yesterday, a moderate amount of alcohol (in the process discovering that King Cobra is one of the few beers that I actually enjoy) and a fantastic Saturday-night curry.

Following on I’ve just had a fantastically lazy morning, where all the loose ends have been closed out and there is a reasonably optimistic plan for moving forwards.

At this stage I’m sitting lazily in the sofa, comfily wrapped up in my jim-jams and sleeping blanket, trying to muster the energy to get changed and head out for some brunch.

Yes.  I am currently content with life… :)  Happy days!

Yes…  So we’re a bit drunk, and we’re trying to get finances covered…  Highlights are:

“You’re going to have a shit 30th birthday – I’m not coming to that!”

“The death of your mother is the only scenario where shareholdings would be affected – it’s not as if you’re going to fall out with her and fight for control of the company.”

“What you need to do is get married, have kids, wait until they grow to 18, then give them ownership of your subsidiary.  Then you place the shareholding in a trust fund (so that they can’t simply sell it off).”

“AIDS!”

“AIDS!” [As expressed by frantic physical gesturing]

“You’re stressing about something worth less than the front brakes of my car.”

“Yes.  I’m a dick.  And I enjoy being a dick.”

Indeed… :)

I’m in the process of doing a cash flow forecast for the next 6 to 12 months.

In an effort to make boring financial nonsense more fun, we have made a resolution to drink a shot of whisky every time something negative or depressing is encountered.

This should make the day (and financials) a more joyful affair.

Secretly, I’m waiting for an epiphany to occur – these things usually do when you take things much less seriously!  :)

What do you do if you’re hacked off with everything and just want to chill out for a bit…?

Well – if you embrace UK lout culture (especially in Scotland), the answer is easy.  You get smashed!

Of course, as an aspiring snob – one simply can’t get drunk on mere beer or shandy or whatever.  No – one cracks open an expensive bottle of Sake – brought back into this country during one’s jaunt to the native lands of Sake earlier on in the year.

Huzzah!  I’ll be wankered.  Or I am a wanker.  Or I want a wank.  Or something… Or maybe all three… :)

OK, so not exactly Pidgin Latin.  It took 5 years of my secondary school life to work out that “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet” wasn’t real Latin, but words of make-believe.

What’s the point, you ask?  Well – the Lorem ipsum words are actually very handy to those who create brochures, marketing, and other such duties which requires a typographical understanding.  You see, the “language” approximates the structure and spacing of good old Queen’s English, which is a handy thing when laying out the text on your screen/paper.

Anyway… I mention all of this not to give you instruction on typography and layout (Wikipedia has an article on this very subject).

Instead, I mention this because if you ever find yourself in need of such fake text, then simply fire up Microsoft Office Word and type =lorem(x) then hit Return (where x is a number representing the number of paragraphs you need generated).  Thus, =lorem(10) will generate 10 paragraphs worth of fake text for you to cut/paste and bend to your will.

Handy, no?  Pictures of =lorem(100) before and after hitting Return…

Months after everyone else has installed it, I’m here to preach the virtues of the forthcoming version of Internet Explorer.

There are many new features to get your head around (and these features are far more eloquently and accurately described by the IE team here).

Having said that, my two personal fave features (so far) are the colour-coded tabbing:

And the new Find feature, which highlights all instances of a search term on the page so that it can be easily viewed:

Despite it being a beta, I’ve yet to find any reliability or stability issues for IE8.  Even web pages that seem broken (for shame, this is a Microsoft web page too!)…

…can be fixed with a mere click of the Compatibility View button on the right of the address bar.  Hey presto – one working site!

Go pick up your copy of IE8 Beta 2 here…

It appears that I do not annoy enough people, as God has yet to smite me down in anger.

Therefore, my aim is to blog on a regular basis (I dare not say daily, as that’s bound to fail within the week).

More tech musings (well, musings for me, and probably old hat for everyone else).  In an effort to cheat, even simple one-liners or a short sentence constitutes a valid blog.

More rantings too – as I enjoy ranting, these will continue to be pages-long epics (as befitting the disdain I hold for society in general).

Huzzah.

As a blatant Microsoft fan-boy, and for someone who gushed when he bought a new Zune, you'd have thought that I'd be perfectly happy in my cosy MP3 world.

Alas - I have a dirty confession to make...  See the new toy that arrived yesterday...

Yes - I can confirm that this is Apple's new iPod Classic 120GB, which was launched a few days ago.

So - why have I seemingly betrayed my poor Zune?  Well, it's thanks to Apple's ubiquity.  You see, my shiny new car has a media interface that allows MP3 players to be hooked up to the rather nice Bose surround sound system.  Any ordinary MP3 player (Zune included) can be plugged in via a 3.5mm mini-jack.  However, there is also an iPod interface, which then allows the iPod to be powered and controlled by the car.

Alas - the appeal of being able to access my entire music collection through the Audi MMI is too much to resist...  It is fairly convenient, after all, to be able to skip tracks and navigate music through the MMI controls, or the steering wheel controls.  Oh - and not have to worry about plugging it in and out all the time, or having to remember to charge the bugger...

And thus, I have bought an iPod for the car.  Let me make this very clear - it will stay in the car, hidden away in a small tray inside the glove compartment.  It will never see the light of day (unlike the Zune, which will still be my constant travel and gym companion).

I rue Apple's ubiquity, but I concede to it when necessary.  Ack - if only people were so accepting of Microsoft in the space where it is dominant...!  In short, I'm advocating less fan-boy-ism, and more pragmatism.  If a die-hard Microsoft proponent can make the leap to another (competitive) vendor when his needs dictate, then surely the anti-Microsoft brigade can be pragmatic enough to do likewise...?

(PS - If you want to see more photos of the iPod, plus more side-by-side comparisons with the 80GB Zune, then head here...)