Ahoy-hoy.  The first album has been uploaded to the new Photo Gallery.

As much as it appeals to run my entire photo collection from my Windows Home Server, the add-in I’m using doesn’t present the nicest or most intuitive interface.  See the old collection here…

The other downside was that I couldn’t easily link to any particular album or photo.

Yes – I know there are services like Flickr out there – hey, I was using it years ago before I abandoned it, as evidenced here.

However, as a self-appointed Grand Poobah of [mostly Microsoft] Technology Evangelism, I try and stick to the Microsoft-powered alternatives if at all possible/practical.

Windows Live has reached the stage where I am now able to do that.  My blogging is done through Windows Live Writer and my photo editing and tagging is through Windows Live Photo Gallery.

Although Photo Gallery supports Flickr and the like, I do very much appreciate the tight integration between Microsoft’s desktop software and their online services.

So, I can pick any folder:

Tag and caption it:

And then publish the whole album:

Hey presto – one on-line album.

OK – so there are many tools out there, but I like having everything from my Messenger profile to my blog and photos to even my Xbox profile all linked to one place.  :)

Anyway – my very first album (taken wayyy back in mid-2000) has been published.  As I get around to tagging and cleaning my other photos, they too will be uploaded.  So watch this space…

It has been nearly a quarter of a year since my last blog, and even then that was a feeble attempt of a blog posting (essentially a “hello there, I’ve been too busy to blog” post).

So – a bit of a reboot is required, and I need to get into the habit of being both rude and inane once again.  No doubt due to my lack of a blogging outlet, I’ve been an incredibly grumpy sod in recent months – annoying co-workers, family and friends.

Ah well.

Not much to report, really.  But given how Windows Live has evolved in my time away, I may revisit the idea of (re-)publishing my photos on the web.  Not that you have much need to see photos of me in various states of nudeness but – quite honestly – photos of anything else just bore me.

Wow – a month-and-a-half since my last posting…?

How time flies when you’re having fun!  Wait…  I’m not having fun.  Bah – old proverbs are wrong and shit, apparently.

Anyhoo – I am alive.  I have been somewhat busy – trying to get our company restructure sorted, and essentially rebooting parts of the business.  As usual – ever optimistic that shuffling some paper around and creating whole new tasks lists will change things for the better… :)

I will try and blog a bit more regularly, again.  Perhaps not once a day (that’s doomed to failure), but maybe once or twice a week…

Stuff in my head I need to spill out include:

• Installing and running Windows 7 on my shiny new HP 2730p Tablet PC
• Completing my 30 Years of Life postings – truly a worthlessly epic tale of self-love and self-loathing!
• Random ranting
• Parties ahoy – my aim this year is to organise three small parties/piss-ups, and one spectacular mega-Party either sometime late Spring or early Autumn…

That’s it, really.  Right – back to work, but watch this space…  It’s even less exciting than watching paint dry.  (Ooo… a proverb that’s actually right!)

I’m feeling quite lazy today, so Part C is going to be a brief instalment.  Hey – at least I’m making an effort.  I should have a bit of time over the weekend, so expect long-winded essays then…  As with yesterday, I’m going to cheat a little…

Positive Fact C

I’m extremely immature and good (if somewhat dirty) humoured.  I don’t tend to take things very seriously at all.

I’d like to think that this fosters some kind of enjoyable work environment – I’ve yet to be hauled in front of the courts for helping to create an expletive-ridden, dirt-mongering office environment.  Only today, I was encouraging work colleagues to search the Internet for reviews on Aberdeen whores.  The scary thing is, we (or rather, I – I don’t wish to taint anyone else in the office here) managed to find some cursory reviews, including one girl who is “alleged to be the dirtiest cock sucker in the world – advance booking recommended”! (the totally work-unfriendly link is here).

Maybe not a well-known fact, but I do enjoy reverting into extremely childish moods at times.  I enjoy the whole universe of Pokémon – in fact I have a number of these plush toys adoring my office and at home.  The Animaniacs are my other passion – my first company was named after the location they lived in, and all of the PCs I’ve owned since starting business has invariably been named after one of the characters on the show.  I have pretty much all their soundtracks, and am occasionally prone to singing aloud to them in the car (which must be a completely mad sight – a chubby oriental-type sitting in an obscenely expensive Audi RS 6, singing along to the kiddie-oriented Be Careful What you Eat song as sung by the Warner Brothers (and Warner sister)).

The net effect is that I probably spend half my time acting like a 10 year old, and really enjoying it.  Life’s too short to take seriously all the time – kick back, and have laid-back and innocently-humoured fun!

Negative Fact C

Alas – my utter immaturity and childishness rubs some people the wrong way.  I suspect that there may be a few people within the IT industry who might view me as being totally insane, especially given my entirely retarded behaviour at parts of the Microsoft Worldwide Partner Conference earlier this year.  I am also perhaps not the most professional representative of our company, as evidenced by what I get up to at professional training courses – that was no random freebie junket, but a £3,500 course paid for with company money…!

Yes – I know that my colleagues sometimes despair at the utter lack of self-control I have, and I have no doubt are sometimes faintly embarrassed on my behalf.  I know that my childish antics have certainly knocked back my professional credibility a bit.

It’s all about getting a decent balance between having fun and enjoying work, and remaining professional enough to perform the work and to instil confidence within work colleagues, clients and partners.  Although I’m having a ton of irreverent fun, I’ve obviously not got this balance right, and I suspect the business suffers because of this… :(

So – part 2, er “Part B” of my 30-part epic.  Sweepstakes already abound as to how many posts I manage to make before I get bored and give up!

I’ll cheat a little today…

Positive Fact B

I have a very organised, very methodical and logical mind.  Every major decision I make comes down to hours of logical thinking and fine-tuning.  It’s why I’m such a great fit in the IT industry (although, strangely, no idea why I’m such a terrible coder).  I can very carefully visualise how entire networks and functionality is built, and how they all inter-depend or inter-relate with each other.

It also means that I rarely make decisions I regret.  That’s not to say that I don’t screw up – I do, and I sometimes do spectacularly.  But – the risk has always been considered, and I’m never really bitten in the ass by any decision that I have thought through.  Even some recent business-related issues – although unpleasant and inconvenient – was not a surprise, and the risk was considered beforehand (I could have handled it better, in hindsight, but again – no real regret with how things have gone).

So – no rash decisions, then, and very few regrets on business and work-related decisions that I make.  Happy days.

Negative Fact B

As I said, I’m cheating today.  So – today’s negative fact about my life is the fact that I have a very organised, very methodical and logical mind.  Déjà vu?

Alas – all that planning, forethought and preparation means I have very little time to actually spend committing to a task that I have spent ages planning.  Sometimes, the opportunity has flown right by before I’ve made up my mind.

Minor case in point – today, while at the gym, I was incredibly desperate for a pee whilst on the X-Trainer.  My dilemma was – should I interrupt my training program on the X-Trainer, head down for a pee, then come back and try to resume my exercise?  Or should I risk holding it in, with an escape plan on standby should I have an “accident”?  I spent a good 11-12 minutes debating it either way, and also formulating the best, most discrete way of quickly wandering away should I momentarily lose bladder control.  In just under a quarter-of-an-hour, my routine on the X-Trainer was pretty much complete anyway, making my whole thought process moot, as I had to hang on for another couple of minutes before leaving.  Yes – it actually took me so long to come to a decision that I ran the high risk of public humiliation, as well as rendering my dilemma moot through the passage of time.

On a professional basis, I have possibly one of the most complex task-management systems ever.  I have a whole notebook in Microsoft Office OneNote dedicated to managing my business goals.  My current professional tasks span 5 tabs, each holding anywhere up to 30 pages, and each page containing up to 50 tasks (although, on average, anywhere between 10-25 task).  Yes – I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have planned for myself, an overall to-do list of over 5,000 tasks.

My greatly logical mind creates big overarching goals (say, renew Microsoft Partner registration for 2009), which is broken down into smaller tasks (say, renew Information Worker competency), which is then broken down into yet another sub-task (complete 3 client references), which is still yet broken down into a smaller task (complete client reference for XYZ Limited).  This huge task “book” takes a couple of hours every day to tend and update.

All of this is linked to Microsoft Office Outlook, which I use to manage the atomic tasks (that is, tasks that cannot be broken down any further and are my “next step” items).  These are the tasks that I sync to my phone, and which I try to perform on a daily basis.  In order to ensure that I do tasks, I then link each task item as a calendar item in my diary, thus (in my mind), scheduling an item to be done at a particular time.

Excellent – my mind says.  However, I’ve just burned through pretty much a whole morning managing my business tasks, and any unforeseen interruption (say, a quick 20 minute chat with one of the guys in the office, or an unplanned phone call), and my elaborate plan all falls to pieces and I spend ages rescheduling and re-prioritising.

Yes – it’s shit, and  I need to find a way to be more effectual.  The other thing that galls me around this?  I also have an equivalent for my personal life and personal interests, but rarely visit that due to lack of time.  It is somewhat disheartening to look at my personal life, and see how stagnant it has become both in terms of self-development/self-improvement, and how totally unbalanced my business/personal life is.

Rather than numbering things, I’m going to use letters.  It’ll be interesting to see what happens when I reach the end of the alphabet as, last time I checked, there weren’t 30 of the blasted things (letters, that is).

Anyway – this is the first blast at my self-imposed introspection…  30 positive and 30 negative things about my life, eh…?  Let’s get the ball rolling with some fairly frank open statements:

Positive Fact A

I’m a very frank and open person.  I say, and blog, about a lot of things.  Usually highly inappropriate things.  I don’t really care what other people think about my statements or opinions (which is either a shining example of being truly open-minded, or is sheer bloody-minded selfishness – I like to think of it as the former).

Despite appearances to the contrary – there are a number of things I still keep private (a topic for another day), and that I only discuss with my very close inner circle (yet another topic – but to keep you guessing – my inner circle isn’t composed of people).

However, for the most, I’m quite happy to express my opinion – be they welcome or otherwise.  There is no topic I won’t broach – and I’m quite happy to offend people with my thoughts (again, another blog post for the future).

So yes – it’s not that I have no shame.  It’s just that, well, I see very little point in keeping secrets.  People either like you, and your opinions, or they don’t.  There’s no point hiding or, even worse, lying about who you are in order to gain more “friends” – what a pointless exercise.  I am who I am (a topic of a previous post), and I don’t see any point in pretending otherwise, or inhibiting yourself just because society says so (although, yet again, another topic for another day).

Being so open…?  Positive, in my book.

Negative Fact A

Well, if I’m such an open-minded individual, able to speak about any topic, let’s open with a belter.  Or maybe not, as I’m sure most people have suspicions anyway, if I haven’t already outright confirmed it.  I am, or will shortly be, a 30-year old virgin.

Yep – currently, I’ve done it with ladies, gents, dogs, sheep, dolphins or anything else as often as I’ve done it with Her Majesty the Queen.  That is to say, I have not yet done the deed.  Not even come close.

I have (what I think) are principled reasons as to why my life has been void of any sexual activity.  However, reasons aside (and yes, they are also forthcoming topics on my 30-day blog epic), I have to admit that, now that I’m well over the peak of sexual prowess, I wonder if perhaps I’ve left things quite (too?) late.

I’m at the stage now where, with hindsight, I’m of the opinion that I should have been engaging in the hanky-panky quite some time ago.

So yes.  For the record – I do regret not having tried hard enough (or tried at all, if I’m brutally honest).  It’s not as if it appears that difficult – given what I see goes on in town on a Friday or Saturday evening.

Having said that, I’m still principled enough to not go out and just pay for some action.  Heck – I imagine what I spend on petrol a month on my car could more than buy some, er, other form of entertainment.  But, well, that’s not just me.

You never know, though.  After 30 days of introspection, perhaps I’ll throw caution to the wind and go all-out on a mad whore-guzzling binge with fistfuls of cash.  However, I suspect not.

Wow.  Has it been nearly a month since I last blogged?

Well – I’ve been busy.  It’s probably a few blog posts in itself, but it’s been a messy few months, and I’m just trying to get organised.  Needless to say, I stuffed up and am now running about like a headless chicken, trying to get everything on an even keel again.

Which neatly leads into the main topic of this particular posting.

I’m near to hitting the ripe old age of 30, and people have been asking why I haven’t organised a birthday bash of some sort…  It’s because, long-term, I think I’ve stuffed up, and really need to get things in shape.

Not to piss all over everyone else’s 30th birthdays (there’s been a spate of these this year due to all my similarly-aged university acquaintances), but I personally don’t feel that birthdays are major events.  Now don’t get me wrong – there are folk out there who enjoy having a bash, and it’s a nice excuse to get some far-flung friends together for a party.  However, a birthday – to me – is about celebrating achievements.  Let’s face it – unless you’re particularly stupid, careless or horrendously unfortunate, then getting to 30 years of age is hardly a difficult achievement.  We should be striving to achieve great things (within our means), not sitting back in satisfaction at the mere passage of time.

So – achievements, then.  Alas – looking at the last 30 years, I’d give myself a C grade in terms of what I hoped to achieve by this stage.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not bitter, or complaining, about the standard of my life.  Overall, it’s very nice – and I’m certainly very fortunate to be in the tiny percentile of folk around the world who do not need to worry about basics such as food or shelter.

However, given the environment, opportunities and education I have been fortunate enough to receive – well, I’ve done a pretty piss-poor job of building upon all of this.  I’m not talking specifically about any financial goals (although they are fairly important), but – at this particular moment, I can’t single out any particular thing that I’ve done in recent times that I’m really proud of as an achievement.  It’s fairly, well, disappointing.

All due to a lack of effort on my part, though – it’s not like I’ve been really pushing to do something charitable, or have made any great effort to earn a fortune.  I’ve been coasting along so far, which has been enjoyably relaxed and entertaining.  But with some hindsight, I wonder if perhaps I’ve squandered 30 years of opportunity…?

I’m sure everyone gets this feeling when they hit the “middle-age” band, and I’m certainly going through this now.

But as I said – this isn’t really a rant.  More of a chance for some in-depth introspection.  I had an idea around the blog that I’ll try over the next period…

Given that I’m nearly 30 years of age, I thought it might be an interesting exercise over the next 30 days to post what I feel are 30 positive, and 30 negative, aspects of my life – one of each per day.  This takes me nicely into the New Year, which is quite well-timed.

Other than the first couple of thoughts – I have no idea what I’m going to write.  I’ll make it up as I go along…  It’ll be a long process but, at the end of this, I’ll hopefully have a better idea of what I’ve achieved in life, and what can be improved.  If you have the patience/boredom to read all of it, you might get to know me a little better as well.

So… here goes…

As a closing note – I have to say that I am both impressed, and appalled, by how the American feel the need to jazz up the elections.

Other than the over-the-top CGI and poll monitoring (very reminiscent of Brass Eye parodies of such graphics), It thought the most ridiculous tool to illustrate the vote count was the “ice-rink map” at Election Plaza (a stupid name in itself).  Behold…

Really – is there any need to represent an electoral map on ice, with real water dyes?!?

That is, indeed, an angry hand gesture being made to express the, well, complete wank-job that this map is.

Right – it is now 5.35am.  Having spent the last 6.5 hours in front of various streams from the web covering the election, I am now officially pooped.  See you when I recover from the alcohol poisoning!

Listening to Obama’s speech at the moment.  Truly great – I’m very glad he hasn’t made much (if anything) about the fact that he is black.

He is speaking about working to improve America.  He is setting expectations – he has claimed that there will be unpopular policies, that some issues will take more than a year, or a term, to sort.

I admire how he has coined a new catchphrase: “Yes, we can!” – nice sound-bite that resonates with the general public…

Am I being too drunkenly cynical, and poo-poo-ing what is clearly a momentous occasion for African-Americans?  I see that Rev Jesse Jackson and Oprah Winfrey are in tears at the fact that a black man is going to be the next President.  Maybe this is a great occasion for them…?   But still – surely it is about the policies and beliefs of the man, and not his colour or upbringing?

Still – great speech, and very inspiring.  The message is still very on-note – America needs change, and America can make change happen…

What the hell?!?

As if to emphasise my point about race, the press has randomly started to cover a small town in Kenya, where they are celebrating the fact that a black man has made it into the White House.

Yeah – never mind his policy about economic recovery, international relations (especially around Iraq and Afghanistan) and internal reform.

This is apparently about “equality”, about “decency”, about “forgiving past transgressions” – i.e. it’s all about race.

Pah, say I.  Stop cheapening this.  I really hope he won because of what he believes in, not because of what colour he is.

So – about 5 minutes have passed since Obama has won.

Great concession speech from McCain – graciously admits defeat, and is concerned with unity of the country above all else.

However – the whole election is, to my mind, cheapened by the whole emphasis that a black man has won.

Don’t get me wrong – it is great to see such a momentous event.  However, MSNBC has wheeled out the likes of John Lewis, the Rev Jesse Jackson – who only spoke about the fact that a black man has won the Presidential race.

So it comes down to race, does it?  No-one so far has mentioned anything about his policies, his belief, his personality.  It’s all been about race.  Come on – it’s great that a black person has entered the White House – but is it really the be-all-and-end-all?  More important than policy?

I find it, well, disheartening that the defining thing about the most powerful man in the world is around his race, rather than his beliefs or policies or political stance.  It feels, well, cheapening to his victorious win.  Race should be secondary to what he stands for (other than colour), and this is transpiring not to be the case, given the current media coverage.

Maybe that’s what our civilisation stands for now – the easiest, simplest sound-bite or simple characteristic.  Who cares about what he stands for, eh?  He’s black, for heavens sake.

At least… that what it feels like…

But despite my reservations about genuinely why he won (colour rather than policy), I’m glad he has won – I think he will be a brilliant President and will help repair a lot of the damage done in recent years.

WTF?!?

Wandered back, to find that Obama has won!

Yippee, I guess – but hell, I’m going to be drunk!  Don’t the American people know what they’re doing to me?!?

Besides that – I am well-pleased.

I maintained, even back in the days when Obama was running against Hillary Clinton, that Obama would be the next US President – I certainly hoped he would be, because I believed he had a sound mind, sensible policies (especially in his attitude to international relationships), and was a charismatic person.

So – well done Obama.  However, curse you, for getting me drunk so quickly!

Too…  Much… Alcohol…

I’ve already imbibed 15 shots, and some extra alcohol on the side, and feel fairly drunk.  Need to take a break!

We wandered out for a quick walk, as we’re both fairly tired and drunk, and need some fresh air.

Passed by a charity shop, where someone dumped an exercise bike.

Seizing the chance to burn off some excess alcohol – we temporarily “borrowed” it to burn off some booze…

Oh dear.  Big updates have just occurred…

I have to quickly down 6 additional shots of Port, unfortunately…

OK – so I’ve agreed to a drinking competition geared around the US elections, as it’s a nice way of making politics interesting…!

As of 11pm, we’ve been following the US elections – three streaming feeds provide us with the polling results – MSNBC, BBC News and Sky News.

Quick rules are as follows:

1. The tally from MSNBC is treated as the official count.  The votes are being read differently by different networks.  However – any news team that uses Microsoft Surface to show election results must surely know what they’re speaking about (plus, their CGI graphics look the best).
2. Although we nominally agreed that we’d have one shot per State, we worked out this may not be for the best (for some States are worth more votes than others, thanks to proportional representation).  So – with 270 votes to win the race for Presidency, we’ve agreed to have one shot per 15 votes.  Therefore, a maximum of 18 shots will be drunk by the eventual loser.
3. I’m representing the Republicans and McCain.  So – for every 15 electoral votes that Obama wins, I will need to down one shot.
4. My rival is representing the Democrats and Obama.  Accordingly, for every 15 electoral votes that McCain wins, he will have to drink a shot.
5. As there are a potentially large number of shots (at least 18 for the loser), we’ve settled on Taylor’s Port as the initial drink of choice.  This may run out fairly quickly, so I’ll update you on what we decide to drink next…

As it stands, it’s 1.24am, and Obama has 103 votes against McCain’s 34 votes.  I’ve already done 4 shots, so have another 2 to go.  Better get started…!

About two weeks ago, I blogged about the Live Mesh Tech Preview.

As you can’t have failed to have noticed, Microsoft recently had their annual PDC conference and announced a plethora of new products and technologies (Windows 7, Windows Azure, Live Services, etc).

The new version of Live Mesh was one of the big items.  If you’re a developer – you’ll get a lot more excited by the info here.

If you’re a general IT user or IT pro, then you’ll be pleased to see what Mesh now offers.

Expanding from my original blog posting, the new Live Mesh Beta offers:

Support for Mac OS X (10.5.1 or higher): Mesh is becoming truly multi-platform, allowing you to group and access all of your information together, irrespective of platform.

Support for Windows Mobile (6.0 or higher): Even on the move, Mesh is supported on your phone.  I have it installed on my main phone and “emergency” phone – see the screenshot above of the devices now in my Mesh.  Right now – any photos I take on my phones automatically enter my Mesh and get synchronised onto the cloud and onto my main Tablet PC.  I can also dump “CD of the week” into my Mesh folder on my notebook, which gets synchronised back onto the two phones.

Support for WAP access: browse to http://m.mesh.com to access your Mesh files from your WAP-enabled phone.  Although not as rich as Windows Mobile (as there’s probably no support for Word, Excel, PowerPoint, etc), you can probably still view pictures and listen to music from your phone.

Three Member Roles: Readers are members who can only, well, read folder contents.  Contributors can view, add and change but not invite new people to a Mesh folder.  Owners can do, well, anything.

P2P Sync: Yes – now you can set machines to sync directly to another machine through Live Mesh, but without the files ending up on your Live Desktop (and hence, eat into your current 5GB quota).  So – I can now set my Windows Media Center box at home to sync all of my TV recordings directly onto my Tablet PC.  Even better – I can sync these recordings through Mesh to my sister in Edinburgh, instead of periodically sending her DVDs of TV recordings.  I can even P2P sync to multiple devices, should I require!

Drag and Drop: Your Live Desktop will allow you to drag and drop files from your own PC onto the folders that run within your Internet browser.  Treat your web browser as any other computer folder!

There are many more features in Live Mesh, but I’ve described the core new ones (that I haven’t already covered in my earlier blog).

Live Mesh has certainly changed the way that I work.  A few good examples of how my life is made easier:

• As I mentioned previously, I keep all my OneNote notebooks and Internet Explorer Favorites synchronised between all of my computers.  It doesn’t matter whether I log onto my home PC, my Tablet PC or my Windows Media Center PC – all my OneNote data and IE Favorites are consistently synchronised.  I can choose to sync any number of folders between any number of machines, if I so choose (with no limitations).
• I keep important “current-work” files synchronised onto my Live Desktop within Mesh.  This is my 5GB storage “on the cloud”, so to speak.  The files are backed up here, but are also accessible anywhere.  Should I need to log onto a client PC to access a particular file, I can do so.
• I can share folders to anyone I choose.  I’ve already cited an example of how I can share my TV recordings with my sister, who lives 120 miles away.  I also have files relating to another business I help out in my spare time – the Live Mesh folders mean we don’t need to keep e-mailing files across, and I’m always guaranteed the latest version of any file/folder that has been tagged as a Mesh folder.

Mesh will continue to grow in functionality but, even in its current beta state, it’s a fantastically solid, reliable and extremely useful technology.  Synchronising save games across many PCs, or photos with family, is all seamless, easy and accessible.

Dear RandomStan,

Salutations and greetings!  It’s been a long time since we last spoke, and I thought that this would be a suitable time to drop a quick e-mail to catch up with you.  You might vaguely remember me – such has been the passage of time in the interim.  I’m the sensible, well-mannered aspect of your personality – just nickname me Anti-RandomStan.

I’ve been in a privileged position (you know, as part of your personality) to have read your recent blogs, overheard your recent conversations, and observed your general behaviour.  I know it has been a long time since we discussed this last but… I was wondering if I might yet again appeal to your better-natured side to strive for a bit more tolerance and maturity?

I’d like to think that we’re aspiring to live in a more enlightened age.  Especially given your background of excellent education and upbringing at Robert Gordon’s College (recently placed 1st in the Financial Times league of Scottish Schools), I had expectations that you would be a shining example of tolerance, understanding and political correctness.  Alas, I feel that you might have meandered (inadvertently, I hasten to add) somewhat away from this aspiration.

Given the furore surrounding the confluence of recent events; it did motivate me to contact yourself and set forth once again my general appeal to you.  Surely the media and public reaction around the controversial voicemails that Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross recently made have proved beyond doubt that there is no place in today’s society for negative behaviour and uncomplimentary comments?  Indeed – on a more personal level, you’ve taken your offences to a whole new level where associates are resorting to leaving negative feedback on your blog!

My personal stance (in an utterly non-condemning way, of course) is that I don’t believe it is suitable to crack vague “jokes” surrounding anyone’s misfortune (regardless of whether it has happened, or may happen).  I pick a few of your recent jibes to illustrate my point:

• You recently started indicating your distaste around “Christmas” marketing.  Although you may not realise, this may offend non-Christians – regardless of whether they follow other religions, or choose not to believe in religion at all.  I would recommend that you call this forthcoming period the “non-denominational festive period”, to more accurately reflect today’s mixed society and to ensure no offence is caused.
• You also crack comments around the matter of AIDS.  (Actually – it appears that you just like uttering the word, as if it were some sort of fashionable catch-phrase.)  Again – think of the people whose lives have been devastated by this terrible scourge.
• You most recently blogged about the forthcoming Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 game.  I should point out that this game carries a whole baggage of negativity.  From the stereotyping of the Japanese and Russians to the portrayal of war – indeed, this game manages to potentially offend people both in terms of race, as well as trivialises those many billions who have either died or otherwise been negatively impacted by war.  Have we not yet had enough death through war to realise it for the obscene concept that it is?  Yet we continue undeterred to these lessons – playing war-games and shooting people as if it were socially acceptable.
• Infertility and still-born jokes are, well, just in bad taste.  How many lives have been devastated due to these factors?  Millions of women around the world live their lives in fear of these awful circumstances – to trivialise it with unnecessary jibes is just, well, uncouth!

You argue recently that you are “pushing boundaries”, and that there are differing opinions on tolerances.  However, you appear not to have realised that no negative behaviour should be tolerated.  It is equally offensive to joke about infertility and AIDS as it is to force upon the concept of “Christmas” to non-Christians or to shoot at people in games while there are people being shot at in real life in our city streets!

As has been demonstrated amply by the Brand/Ross Radio 2 outrage and recent electronic communications – it does not matter if the victim himself/herself is offended or not – it does matter when people take it upon themselves to be offended on other peoples’ behalf.  After all – only 2 people initially complained about the Brand/Ross incident, until it hit the mainstream press and full public indignity erupted!

In today’s society – it is perfectly acceptable to be offended on other peoples’ behalf – it is what helps us on our path to a more tolerant and understanding society.

My plea to you is to become a model citizen.  Resist dropping negative comments to people, and generally become tolerant, understanding and encouraging.  Feel free to step in when you think offence may be caused, as this will undoubtedly provide food for thought to others, bringing them to introspectively reflect on their own behaviour.  Become, as they say in society, as Politically Correct as one can possibly aspire to be!

As well as being an entreaty, I encourage you to view this as a challenge!  My non-offensive challenge to you, sir, would be to spend the next two weeks (from midnight of the 30th October to midnight of the 13th November) to be as upstanding a citizen as you can possibly be.  Champion the cause of political correctness, and strive not to cause offence!  I understand that you are not a particularly charitable person (which, I hasten to add, is not an offence-causing criticism – just a general observation on a particular facet of your overall unique and special personality).  Therefore, I will also appeal to your more materialistic side – if you can maintain my challenge of two weeks of political correctness, I will allow you to purchase a new toy.  I know (being, you know, a part of your overall personality) that you keep a stash of money hidden in your sister’s underwear drawer (which you ostensibly claim to be a safe place to hide cash, whereas I would posit that you put money there so that you can fondle your sister’s panties in the darkness under the guise of searching for some pocket money) – I would agree to your spending no more than £3,000 of that money to buy yourself a 64-bit Tablet PC that I know you have been hankering after.  Every time you become bitter and cynical, and are just desperate to drop a lewd or offensive comment, divert your tension by thinking of the productivity-enhancing benefits that a 64-bit Tablet PC with 8GB RAM could bestow upon you!

I sincerely hope that you accept my challenge, and would wish you the absolute best of luck!

Many warm regards

Anti-RandomStan

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Dear RandomStan

“Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker!  You’re a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucker…”  What?!?  I’m merely quoting from the South Park movie!

Blah blah blah blah.  What a long-winded, stupidly pointless rant-letter.  Yada-yada-yada.  As I said before, I quite enjoy pushing boundaries, and I still firmly believe that no topic should ever be out of bounds.  If we’re worried about cracking jokes around paedophiles, rape and infertility, then surely we should also be equally offended about jokes around poverty, war, and religion (because, you know, millions of people have died from the latter – and thus it’d be equally offensive to trivialise those).

But… I accept your challenge.  For two reasons:

1. Yes – a shiny new 64-bit Tablet PC would just be great.  I can’t technically justify buying one, but I think it would be a suitable reward for two weeks of total tolerance and utter political correctness and,
2. I personally think that an utterly politically correct RandomStan would bug the hell out of everyone – it’d get utterly annoying, and I think I’d get kicks just for doing that!

You know, I was kinda disappointed a few weeks ago when I was getting drunk, looking for an epiphany, and thinking I didn’t get one.  Over recent days, I come to realise that I possibly had one of the best ever…

“Yes.  I’m a dick.  And I enjoy being a dick.”

And on that note – brace yourself for two weeks of Politically Correct RandomStan!

Yours (with hugs and smooches)

RandomStan

P.S.  I should point out that I’ve already planned a social event around the US Presidential Elections, so will agree to your challenge on the caveat that the Tue/Wed of 4th/5th Nov is not included in your challenge.  I will, after all, be around similarly like-minded immaturity, so feel that no offence would be caused in any case.  Ta!

George Takei: “All Your Base… Are Belong to Us!”

Tim Curry: “You like the beautiful Girls?  Me too!”

JK Simmons: “Cowboy style…”

Gina Carano: “Sounds kinda kinky!”

Jonathan Pryce: “Good God!”

+ Cybernetic Bears.  + Guerrilla Dolphins.  + Psionic Japanese Schoolgirls.

WTF?!?

Reasonable (and not so reasonable) actors indulging in deliberately cheesy acting?  Overt sexualisation of hardcore women?  War…?

Well – it can only be one thing.  The latest instalment in the mad fun that is Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3.  Go watch the cheesiest, coolest video game trailer ever…

Ahh… what a hark back to that random All Your Base phenomenon…!

Jings!  I turn my back for two seconds, and everyone lets their imaginations run riot like uncontrollable children!

Just to clarify, the comment ping-pong from a few threads back was not because I was dropping stillborn comments around someone who had recently lost a child.  Nay – it wasn’t even around any stillborn jibes in the first place.

I’m half-offended that people would think that I’d stoop to that level, but probably more self-satisfied that my language is so random that people could quite easily contemplate that I mutter these things in those circumstances… ;)

Infertility, though… That’s where all the action is about.  Yes – you’re all infertile…

And you probably have AIDS.  Bad AIDS too, not good AIDS.

[OK, so maybe a very select subset of people who read that will understand what I’m wittering about.  And I think an even smaller subset of people will appreciate the resurgence of this random reference…  My fragile and easily-influenced mind is obviously hanging out with the wrong crowd… ;)]

“Your premium is shown below and I am sure you will be delighted with the value for money our policy provides.”

£7,554.40 for annual car insurance is “value for money”?!?

Alright, so maybe I don’t have a perfect track record.  Before the Audi A3 Sportback, I did write off my Vauxhall Astra, and managed to land it on its roof.  (I was unscathed, bar a sore thumb, in case you were wondering…!)

And yes, I guess I do have 6 points for speeding thus far (all accumulated in the A3, a car that was half as powerful, and a quarter of the price, of my current car).

But still - £7,554.40.  “value for money”.

I think not.